Living: Brewing Sytem

New Brew! We are now in production of our second beer and a review of our first is forth-coming. This next batch will be an American Amber Ale. In the clip below you can see our economical, all-grain system in action.

Remember that you sparge water should be close to 170 degrees without going over.

Society: Prominent Woodchucks to Wed

Woodchucks Michael T. and Carmen B. announced their engagement to a small family gathering and have set the date for September 5, 2009. Insiders say the date was selected to precede some serious, hibernation-time snuggling.

Reliable sources indicate that the ceremony will be "a casual, country, al-fresco, affair" and will be followed by a groundhog jamboree and camp out. Our source further explained that upon hearing the news Michael's mom "cackled like insane hyena."

Pictured here is the happy couple pilfering green beans from the Weaver's Way farm in their Philadelphia habitat.

Living: Gain 10 pounds by the holidays! We'll show you how!

Well, well, well. Here you are again in September looking as svelte as an otter with orthodontia. You have no one but yourself to blame. While your neighbors were annihilating acorns and walling up walnuts, you were chasing lady-hogs, punking gardeners, and trimming your teeth 'til the wee hours. But don't worry, UG's got your back. Follow these guidelines, loosen your belt, and be prepared to hear, "You look fantastic, have you gained weight?"

Step 1: Train with weights

Nothing pumps up your appetite like some serious resistance trainings. As soon as your muscles respond, they will be bullying your laggard stomach into a frenzy. Don't worry if you get some gawkers at the gymnasium. ("Yeah baby, rub my massive gut. It's all natural.")

Step 2: Fat stack

I know what you're going to say, "I love fats, but they satiate so quickly." You need to trick your body into consuming mass quantities of various fats before it can object. Try to fit a large amount of fats into a single meal. Think chocolate burritos and Doritos casseroles.

This great pizza uses feta, mozzarella, sun dried tomatoes, and a pesto sauce. Whew hoggy!

Step 3: The only bad carb is the one you can't find!

Pretzels and breads are a great way to get that insulin spike that makes your brain say, "Sooo sweeeeeeepy....zzzzzzz." Check out http://www.breadworld.com/ for some quick recipes. When making the pretzels, try increasing the yeast by 50% for a doughy roll-type pretzel. Add some honey mustard and you'll be smokin' (from the friction of your thighs rubbing together)!

Step 4: Keep brewing
Alcohol is loaded with energy, that's why you can set shots on fire. Beer combines alcoholic energy with residual sugars to really give you a fat-gaining edge - while taking the edge off!


Remember, gaining weight for hibernation doesn't have to be a chore. Try to enjoy it!

Travel Desk: Discovering America

We sent our unpaid intern/CEO Old Man Towle across the country in his little pickup truck and he had this to say:

"I killed many bugs and brewered many touries. I counted Cracker-Barrels. Seventy-four. Most towns focus on selling one of three things: moccasins, jerky, or petrified wood. St. Louis good, Indiana bad. People get uglier as you move north. I saw some weird shit, especially in Texas."

Favorite Photos:

Mama Groundhog!

News: Authorities Nab Groundhog Imposter

Thursday, Northwestern Philadelphia, authorities with the Department of Animal Control Special Victims Unit identified and apprehended an overweight rabbit who has been posing as a groundhog for several months. The rabbit, who people in the Chestnut Hill area of Philadelphia know as "Sugar," has been perpetrating the fiction with some success.



"I'm, shocked," explained neighbor Julia Pheltnam, "I always asked her about the weather and gave her acorns. Now I realize why she refused to take the hat off, I thought maybe she had some mange." "Sugar" convinced locals with her "groudhoggy" mannerisms, conscientious makeup regimen, and affiliations with several marmot civic organizations. Fortunately, the charade was ended before any real damage was done. With the winter months approaching, "Sugars" faulty weather predictions could have cost people their lives.


Authorities received tips from a gopher who prefers to remain anonymous. The rabbit, who is still being referred to as "Sugar," refused to comment. She has been relocated to a petting zoo for the criminally insane.

Living: Brewing in the Hole

Nothing will send a yellow-bellied marmot diving for the burrow faster than sticker-shock at the gourmet beer store. When you're entertaining in the den, you want your buds and lady-hogs to have the best, but you don't want to have to moonlight at the petting zoo to pay for it.

Brewing your own beer is a creative way to entertain in style without dipping into your hibernation cache. Setting up your home brewery doesn't have to be expensive if you use some ingenuity. We put our interns on the job and here are the steps that we here at UG recommend to start brewing awesome ales on the cheap.

Note: This method is "all-grain" and avoids the inferior and more expensive malt extract.

Intro:
All-grain brewing basically creates a giant teabag that you will run water through to get the sugars out of the malted barley. Once you collect the liquid from the mash tun (the teabag), you add hops (bitter plant buds) and stuff, and you boil it. Then you cool it, add yeast, wait, bottle, wait, and drink. Pretty easy, no?

1) Get a Good Kettle
You can get a cheap kettle if you look around. Try to get a 7 gallon or larger kettle since we will make a five gallon batch. We found this one online for about $30 and it has a capacity of 8.5 gallons for a complete boil.
2) Build a Mash Tun

You can buy these, but it is cheaper to make it yourself. We started with a 5-gallon igloo cooler that we bought for $20. Then we had to experiment with some plumbing to attach a good valve that wouldn't leak. You need a 3/8" ball valve and some other plumbing stuff to attach the 3/8" hoses and the false bottom. We had to try some different 0-rings, rubber washers, and washers to get it tight. Check this website http://members.shaw.ca/Fly_Guy/mlt.htm for the parts list.

Step 3: Make a False Bottom
No, this isn't an endorsement of Brazilian plastic surgery. You need to make something so that the liquid can flow through the mash (the wet grains) without the tubes getting clogged. You can make a cheap one with that stainless steal mesh that goes around a washer hose. Clamp the ends and hook it up!

Step 4: Buy the Basics

Now that the hard parts are done, go ahead and order a starter kit for the basic tubes, buckets, instruments, caps, and tools that you will need ($69 at http://www.morebeer.com/).

Step 5: Order Ingredients

Ingredient kits will range from $15-$40 depending on the style of brew and the vendor. Make sure to buy yeast or you'll end up with barley juice...and ants....lots of ants. The kits come with directions or you can follow a recipe from another source.

Step 6: Find bottles!

Step 7: Brew!

Step 8: Act Like a Total Assh*le

as you serve up your gourmet brew and act all sophisticated and handy. You'll get more tail then a Canadian beaver trapper. That's the Urban Groundhog Way!